▍ Independent Findings ▍ Unsanctioned ▍ Read While You Still Can ▍

LGA is closerFACT
than JFK.

A frantic, fully unverified, deeply felt investigation into the single greatest cover-up in regional aviation. JFK is basically in another country. LGA is right there. Keep scrolling. It does not stop. It cannot stop.

Show me the evidence(you cannot un-see it)

LGA IS CLOSER ✦WAKE UP ✦JFK = INTERNATIONAL WATERS ✦THE A IN LGA STANDS FOR 'ADJACENT' ✦THEY MOVED JFK AT NIGHT ✦QUEENS DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ✦DO THE MATH (WE DID) ✦HAVE YOU EVER SEEN JFK AND THE HORIZON IN THE SAME PHOTO? ✦FOLLOW THE TAXIS ✦ASK YOURSELF: WHY SO MANY TERMINALS ✦LGA IS CLOSER ✦WAKE UP ✦JFK = INTERNATIONAL WATERS ✦THE A IN LGA STANDS FOR 'ADJACENT' ✦THEY MOVED JFK AT NIGHT ✦QUEENS DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ✦DO THE MATH (WE DID) ✦HAVE YOU EVER SEEN JFK AND THE HORIZON IN THE SAME PHOTO? ✦FOLLOW THE TAXIS ✦ASK YOURSELF: WHY SO MANY TERMINALS ✦

Exhibit 3.14The Indisputable Arithmetic

D_LGA = close

proven empirically by looking out the window

D_JFK = D_LGA × ∞ + ocean

carry the ocean. always carry the ocean.

Let t be the time to reach the airport. Observation: t(JFK) always rounds up to "ugh," while t(LGA) rounds down to "oh that's fine." Since "ugh" > "fine" for all known values of patience, LGA is closer. QED. We will not be taking questions.

Exhibit BThe Map They Tried To Hide

Fig. 1 — drawn from memory, with both eyes open. Notice JFK is past the dotted line. The dotted line is a BORDER.

"If JFK were really in New York, why does it need a customs hall the size of a small principality?"

Exhibit H₂OJFK Is In International Waters

It has its own weather.

Your phone says 72° at LGA and 'delayed - fog' at JFK. Different climate = different landmass. Geography is settled science.

The runways point at the sea.

Why would a NYC airport aim AWAY from NYC unless it were quietly evacuating the continent one Airbus at a time?

Duty-free.

You can only buy duty-free when LEAVING THE COUNTRY. JFK has duty-free. Connect the string. We'll wait.

Exhibit 📏Felt-Distance Index™

Independent study. n = 1 (me). Margin of error: none.

LGA — felt distance~4 vibes

JFK — felt distance∞ vibes

bar exceeds container. this is not a bug.

Exhibit XXThe Leaked Memo

▍ CLASSIFIED — eyes only

Per the directive of ████████████, the relocation of terminal ██ to a position significantly further than LaGuardia shall remain █████████. Travelers who ask "wait, why is JFK so far" are to be offered a ███████ pretzel and gently redirected to the AirTrain, which, we remind you, exists because it is its own city.

— signed, ████

Exhibit ∴The Logic Chain (Airtight)

1
LGA is in Queens.
2
You are also, statistically, near Queens.
3
JFK is technically in Queens too, BUT — and this is key — it is the part of Queens that fell off.
4
A thing that fell off is no longer attached.
5
Unattached land drifts. Drifting land enters water.
6
Therefore JFK is in the water. Therefore LGA is closer. There is no step 7.

Exhibit 👁Eyewitness Testimony

"I left for LGA, blinked, and I was checking my bag. I left for JFK and aged. My beard is real now. Make of that what you will."

— a guy at the gate

"My GPS rerouted me to JFK and the little car drove off the edge of the map. The voice said 'godspeed.' I do not think that is standard."

— anonymous, possibly still driving

loading more truth…